Duras

 For a long time, I did not own a dress. Are some pockets of my dress or something like that, they are turned with the mother's old dress reform, and her mother are some of these dresses have been something like pocket. In addition to There are several Aunt Elsie is the mother told me to do dress for the exception. She never left my mother was a housekeeper, even her mother returned to France, even if his brother was in the sand room Lek city attempted to rape her, We are short of money can not even open her wages, she is still reluctant to leave his mother. Du aunt grew up in the courtyard nuns, she was good at embroidery, will do creases, a few centuries ago that would like to sew by hand . She's like a hair thin needle. cause she embroidery, embroidered bed sheets so the mother told her. because she will do creases, her mother let her make me a pleated skirt. rimmed decorative skirt to wear in my the body is like a cloth bag, because these outdated style dress, and always children clothing style, get in front of two creases, the collar are particularly stupid, skirts too close, or is connected to a bias cut fabric edge. I wore these pocket-like dress, a sash, a kind of shape is changed, so the dress to become a permanent, long-wearing same clothes.
When I was fifteen and a half, I The body is very slim, and even some thin, the chest or the child's appearance, rubbing his pale face and red rose rouge powder, together with this body who would seem to laugh at a joke but in fact the dress. I have understand the things around me, all around I see in the eyes, everything is in my eyes. I want to write something. I have and my mother said: Writing is my choice. the first time,UGG boots cheap, After she heard no answer. Then she asked me: what to write? I said, write books and novels. she said sharply: When you have passed the math exam, you want to write, write what, for me. she was against I think that this is not sterile, writing is not working, this is only a joke if mm then she simply said to me: This is a cranky child.
little girl wearing a hat was the river anti-light and swayed, leaning alone on the ferry side of the ship. This top men's hat the whole scene is dyed pink. This is the only color. with fog on the river that the hot sun, ambiguous cross the river and the sky seemed connected. river flowing quietly, without any sound, like the blood flow the same. the outside water there is no wind. ferry's motor is the only sound the sound side, this is a made of old cast iron rocker hair action. sometimes came a gentle voice. Thereafter, he heard the dog cry, which sounds came from everywhere, and since the back of the morning mist came from all The village came. the little girl brought up to recognize the ferry on the Shaogong. Shaogong her old smile and asked her said she often went to the Cambodian side of the concession to go. girl said his mother very well. ferry is around the river, the river on both sides are bare, the flow of water through the rice fields of stagnant water stagnation can be shares of water is not mixing the two together. The river from the forests of Cambodia, it encountered along the way to pick up with anything. It put it all into the arms of all the things away, and there are thatched cottages, forests, been burned wreckage, dead birds, dead dogs, tigers drowned, drowning men and their women, with a sticky clusters of water hyacinth, all of which flows to the Pacific, they had a chance to be drifting in the deep undercurrent that the storm brought a sharp but go, everything is suspended above the power of the river.
I told her my biggest wish is to write, only this, but nothing else. But she jealous of them, no answer, but abruptly cast a glance at me, slightly Song about the shoulder, exposing an unforgettable look. then I thought, I was the first man away from home. may have to wait several years of effort to make her lose me, the daughter she lost, she had to know that one day she was to go after all, after all, to leave the house. She won the first prize in French. headmaster said to her: Madam, your daughter got first place in French. my mother was silent, and nothing that she not happy, because it is not her two sons got first place in French. I asked him this dirty mother: How math test? principal said: This is not the first, but sooner or later, first-Examination name. mother asked: Shashi Hou can test a first? president replied: time when she won the first prize, his wife.
my mother, my maternal love, difficult to believe that my monster, she was wearing a pair of sewing for her Aunt Elsie had cotton stockings, and in this tropical feel to the place she was wearing stockings as a principal wife, her dress those poor, worn and ugly, all for her aunt Elsie sewing before, she inherited her farm in the habit of Picardie, which is no matter what, she somehow used in the end, she felt should be the best use. her pair of shoes, the heel wore out long ago, wearing it, walking crooked, sad state. comb her hair tightly, set into a bun like the Chinese woman, she really makes us embarrassed her in the street in front of the school really makes I'm humiliated. when she came to school by bus b.12 door, we all looked at her, but she was if nothing had happened, from the disapproval, her detention should really up, beat her to kill . She looked at me and said: Perhaps you should Chu Laihun of days before. regardless of day and night, she always made up the idea. She never asked me to learn something, and that I should have dropped out of dawdle .
mothers exposed to fresh air, she will break free from despair, she finally found the men's top hat and a pair of leather shoes adorned with gold. She asked me what it is, I What is not said. She looked at me, these things make her happy, she smiled slightly. She said these things well, for me, is also full of fit, appearance becomes a dress. She did not ask these things Is she bought, she must know she bought. she knew she had the ability, in some cases, that is, when I said that, we can cheat from her what we want, and she took us no way. I said to her, these things that are not expensive, you do not feel bad. She asked where it was bought. I said it was bought from the Ka Dina Street is dealing with the substandard goods store. She was pleased looked at me. She may feel that her daughter has such imagination can come up with Zhefan dress, no doubt pleased to give a sign. She not only agreed to me this funny dress, this dress impropriety, Although she is a widow Anfen Code has been, wearing a gray dress, like a return to secular life of the nun, but I Zhefan not etiquette dress made her happy.
fact that the top men's and family's hat Poverty is also linked, because no matter what way, somehow the idea to get some money home. in the family around, but a piece of barren land, his sons are also ignorant of the generation, they will accomplish nothing, even the land is salty ,UGG shoes, and certainly wasted a sum of money, and certainly no hope. the rest is only so an increasing growth of a daughter, maybe she knows how to one day fishing some money for this family. It is for this reason, the mother allowed her daughter wearing the dress the body took to the streets to juvenile prostitution, which is the original did not know her. It is for this reason may be, the little girl has also been without a teacher, knows how to bring people's attention to her money to . This allows the mother a big grin.
If the girl really sold themselves out to make money, my mother certainly would not be blocked. the girl would tell her mother: I request the clients to a single five hundred piastres to return to France . She would have said, that good friends, to return to Paris and settled down, can not correct need the money, she will say: give five hundred piastres on the line. the girl knew that this sale, It is the original mother let her daughter choose the line of business, as long as her daughter have the courage and strength, as long as she does not feel this pain every day, so exhausted.
in my book describes the story about my childhood, I suddenly between figure out I'm avoiding something, said something, I want to say about our mother's love, but I do not know whether the mother said, hate, said that our love for each other and resentment, both love or hate, in the bankruptcy and destruction of the family history is so common to strong all the time can still beyond my comprehension abilities, yet indifferent to me, but deeply hidden in my The flesh of the. because I just landed like a newborn baby can not see in front of everything. and the destruction of the family is the beginning of silence. Since then, I have been living in silence, in silence, did my life, I now still alive in the face of today's younger generation curious, as I can only silence.
when I take the ferry on the Mekong time, that is I met an old black car that bike that day, my mother had not given up Her piece of concession inside the seawall. We are still the same as before the road at night, still Sanren peers, to sojourn there for some days. We live in a corridor inside that cottage in the face of the mountain of Siam. after we set off back to town. Mom, where there is nothing in the dry, but she still went back there from time to time. In the corridor there, little brother and I stay in the mother's side, opposite the forest. this time we have been long big, the lake no longer embarrassed to shower or bath or go fishing in the estuary marshes Panthers, we not go to the forest, animal and plant garden pepper does not go to the villages. people around us grow up. both in that buffalo's back, or elsewhere, never see the child's sight. We are also infected with that strange illnesses, that have been infected mother's slow slow, now we are also slow slow that the infection, we learn nothing from the forest only to learn watched, waiting, crying. piece of low-lying land completely finished, those servants of high ground that only fragmented farming land, we leave the rice them, and they stay there did not pay, they are built using only those mothers Jiaoren hut. They like us as their loved ones at home the same. They are still and watch over the house as in the past. that one is not old tableware less. the roof by the rain continued to disappear corrosion. can be polished furniture is still clean. the entire building of the house remains in its original shape, clear picturesque, from the road are everywhere. open the door of every day, so that cool breeze come in, dry wood house. night, doors and windows closed to prevent stray dogs and smugglers coming into to the mountains.
So you can see, I do not like the way I used to write in Leian Farm restaurant to see the rich man who has a black car, but we give up that piece of leased land in two or three years, saw him on the ferry, that is, I said that day, with fog and hot in that the sun to see him.
year and a half in that first encounter, the mother took us back to France. She sold all the furniture. Later, the last time to go see the dam. She sat on the porch , the face of the sun down, once again looked to the Siamese side, this is the last time, never go over the future, even when she was to leave France again, changed his mind again, and again returned to Indochina, go to Sai Kung for her retirement procedures, and never again went to the front of that mountain, look at that yellow sky, green forest.
Yes, I say? in her life, has When too late, but she was starting from scratch. She organized a French school, Little brother is suffering from bronchial pneumonia, disease died three days, his heart can not carry on. It was at this time I left the mother. That is what the Japanese occupation period. all in the day to an end. Since then, I had never asked her for the things of our childhood, nor made inquiries about her own thing. For me, the little brother's death, she should also die, even my brother is no exception. I really can not stand all of a sudden they I feel the feelings of hate. They are irrelevant to me. From then on, I can not have any information about them. she was in the end how for her sickly child who pay off all debts, so far I am still puzzled. One day they all disappeared. I can see them sitting on the sand Lek small living room, wearing a white wrapped breechcloth their whole month, throughout the year to stay there, silent. I heard my mother cry there, in cursing the child,bailey UGG boots, she stayed in her room, do not want to come out, she shouted to everyone to let her quiet, but they are all deaf, smiled, and stay there quietly. Later, I do not want the . Now, my mother and my two brothers all died. for my memory, it is the same, also did poorly. Now I no longer like them. Now my mind never to leave the mother then smell the fragrance of the skin, my eyes have lost the color of her eyes. I can not remember her voices, in addition to the issue of fatigue and sometimes at night, some of her gentle voice. As for the laughter,Discount UGG boots, I never heard. no laughter, no shouting. it was all over, everything from my memory disappeared. It is for this reason that I wrote from her now is so easy, can be so lengthy, she has become my letter to the smooth writing pen.
mother may be in between 1932 to 1949 lived in Saigon. My little brother is in the December 1942 death. Since then, she could not see the house . She said she is still there, close to the grave, buried just around the corner. Later, she had to return to France. When we meet again, my son two years old. It was Xiangfenghenwan. This is from her I first look inside to see. At this moment nothing has been re no longer pursue the. In addition to her son than that, everything else is finished. she went to the Loire - a fake Marshall Province Louis XIV, the castle life, and died there. She and Aunt Elsie lived together. when she is still afraid of the night, so she bought a rifle. Du aunt's room in the castle where the top guard with her. She also Ambrosini was the eldest son bought a property near Watts. There are lots of trees. He employed the trees cut down. he went to Paris in a gambling club gambling cards. Those trees were lost all in one night. to He lost the piece of wood in the cleaners, I changed his impression, because this, my brother made me cry. I know that later found him lying near Montparnasse Gu Boer coffee shop in front of the car, he wanted to commit suicide of the matter. then what I know nothing about. and she ruined the castle into what is, indeed, hard to imagine, and all this because she lived to be fifty this year-old son does not know how to make money due. She bought a batch of chicken incubator, put them on the bottom of the hall. She received six hundred chickens at once. but because of her far-infrared heater in operation goes wrong, the result is not a chicken to eat. That six hundred chickens Zuidou not shut up, which was starved to death by all. Since then, she do not try. I was out in the chicken Shell came to the castle that day, which was the joyous day. later, dead chickens and chicken food stink to high heaven, made me a castle in the mother wanted to eat and vomiting.
her aunt and finally died in the Du That son, who she called, between the second floor of her big room. In her last years, when the frozen season, she always went to her four to six sheep in this room, allow animals to sleep in her bed around.
is in this place, in the Loire her house in the last one, when she disposed of the family thing and ended her life when coming and going non-stop movement , I finally see her the first time the kind of mental illness. I found the mother is really mad. I know that Aunt Elsie and her big brother has been on such a mental feeling. As for me, originally I did not see her mad . In fact, she had such problems. born with such problems, there are such problems in the blood. She did not feel the pain for such illnesses as Du aunt and son have got used to her illness, she , as in healthy people do live. In addition to Mrs beyond aunt and great son, who can not understand the mystery. She always had many friends, she not only Zhangnianleiyue De maintain these friends, while a knot in many new friends. These new contacts are just some of the young people down town, or people in Dulan region, some of them to return home from the French colonies to grow old. She can put a lot of people of different ages to maintain their own side, as they said, because her mother clever, is so active, and because of her happy, as well as her tireless unparalleled nature.
I do not know who took this picture of despair. is Hanoi residence yard shot goes. This is probably my last photographed a picture of his father. a few months months later, he was sent back due to poor health to France, he died less than a year. In Before that, he was transferred to Phnom Penh office, where he has only stayed only a few weeks. at that time her mother may refuse to follow him back to France where she stayed original, nothing changed. on this front in Phnom Penh luxury house in the Mekong River in Cambodia, the king's palace this year, is terrible in this large garden, my mother is always scared. one night she is more afraid of us. Our family of four ports are sleeping in a bed. for in this residence, the mother was informed that his father went to the bad news. The telegram arrived on the eve of her mother's long been a sense of foreboding. That night, except she saw and heard a crazy bird call, and the house fell on the north side of the father in that office. Also in that office, in the death of her husband a few days before, also in the middle of the night, my mother suddenly saw her own father figure. She lights on. grandfather really standing there. He stood that a large octagonal living room at a table. He looked at her. I remember her name is heard, cried out. She woke us, to us about what just happened, how he dressed in his gray uniform worn by the set on Sunday, how he stood there, eyes straight at her. She said: I cried like a child he did. She said, She did not fear. She ran toward the image of that lost past. grandfather and father both died of birds and shadow appears on the same date. Since then, we certainly learned somewhat of worship mother, because she knew everything, even deaths can be prophetic.
handsome man from the bike, hat, shoes, girl wearing Jin Sipi. He Manmandizhao she came. can see, he was somewhat timid. At first, he did not dare to reveal even to smile. He first offered her a cigarette . His hands were shaking. they are the difference between the ethnic groups, because he is not white, but he must also override the girl on top, so he was trembling. She told him she does not smoke: No, thanks. She did not say anything else, she did not say to him please do not hit me. Then he assured a little bit, and said to her, he seems to be dreaming. She did not answer. She waited. this time he asked her: You Where did you come from? She said she was the sand that female teachers in girls schools Lek daughter. He thought for a moment, then said he heard his wife, her mother heard her over there to buy in Cambodia a piece of leased land is very lucky, is such a thing, right? Yes, yes.
he repeatedly said that the ferry ran into her this is rare. Just that morning, a girl so beautiful , a white girl, his surprise, the locals actually boarded a bus.
he told her that her hat is the most appropriate to the hh men wearing a hat hh is ingenious, why not? She is so beautiful, she can dress how to dress how.
She looked at him. She asked who he was. He said he had just returned to Paris to study, he also lived in the sand Lek, on the river with that big blue house with glass railings fence, and that is his home. She asked him what, he said that he is Chinese, he is from Fushun City in northern China. You Let me take you to the Sai Kung to your home? she agreed. He told the driver from the passenger's luggage on the girl to take off, and then put into the car with the black bike.
the Chinese people are those who manipulate the local civil All the minority ethnic Chinese financial community real estate. He is the day that Saigon through the Mekong River to the young.
bike she got into a black sedan. the door was closed, out of a feeling of sadness just to old, I suddenly feel a little sleepy, the river also will dim the sun. there is a sense of slight deafness, everything is shrouded in confusion among the morning mist.
I can do not need to take the bus to local indigenous people travel. I will have a big car Limo Xin can send me to school, but I will never live in regret among regret what I did, I got everything I've abandoned all remorse, good bad all the same, so I feel remorse. bike familiar with the bus, who I used to joke that he opened the bus driver, who sat in the luggage rack of children, and my family that the sand Lek, that Sha Lek nasty family guy, and it was surprisingly really quiet.
he is talking to me. He said he hates life in Paris, Paris, the lovely girl who hate those wedding, those bombs, ah la la, Then there Gu Boer and Luo Dante cafe, I still prefer the Luo Dante cafes, those nightclubs. These are the two years he had spent the wealth of his family situation, in fact, if he could tell how many millions of home and a total of half a day will not need wordy. He went on. His mother had died, he was an only child, now under the control of money left father. But you know who the father is, he was living his whole Flanagan opium pipes for a decade, he spent facing the Mekong River, lying on his cot, his wealth management. She said that what he meant. < br> Later, the father refused to be his son and his white sand the small town prostitutes Lek marriage.
ferry's side when he was in the white bar and chatted with the girl before, this image began to form, When his car from the bike out of the black Limo Xin, when he was close to her, she felt out, that he was afraid.
from that first moment, she has to know that this is how, she has understood that he had by her domination. even if not him, is for a another man, when love will come when, will also let her mercy. She also know the other side, from the Henceforth, the time that she involuntarily may have come, she will not get rid of some of its due obligations. That day she also knows that such things do not let my mother or brother has any awareness. when she sat Limo Xin Jin bike black limousine, she was fully aware that this is the first time in her life, and will also be the beginning of life from their own family. From now on, the family should no longer interfere she may encounter everything. Let the people away from their hands to her, hurt her, spoil her, all of which they should no longer know. either mother or brother, they all should not know. Since then, it will be their fate. The idea is enough to make her black Limo Xin Zheliang limousine cry.
Since then, the girl will begin to deal with this man, this is the first one, the one who appears on the ferry man.